we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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