you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
