Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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