We're like a lot better than the average bears
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
