is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
my shit smells like andre
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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