Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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