A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
