just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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