found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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