dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
