i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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