Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
