I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Let's get the cat blown out
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
