i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
