I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize