She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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