Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize