jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
