i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
