12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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