I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
