Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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