Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
