the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
