So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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