Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
