You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
