I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize