He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
