There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
