I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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