In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
