well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Need sex. Gaining weight.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
