that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
