Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
