Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
