i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
