i was born a porn star she said
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
