I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
