Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Randomize
