i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
this just has baby written all over it
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
