The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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