i need an iv and a liver transplant
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
