Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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