I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
