i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
