hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
