I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
