She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
