I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
