That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
