wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
