i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Found the puke drawer
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
