Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
