go do what you do best...puke behind churches
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
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