"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
