what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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