So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
