We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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