I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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