Pappa wants mamma naked
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
