I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Houston, we have a squirter
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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