You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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