And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
