Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
