But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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