wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
