Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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