please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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