i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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