My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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